Dear Friends,
CRA President, Br Peter Carroll FMS.
Four children, aged between 8 and 13, are walking along the footpath in suburban Sydney, heading to the local shops to buy ice-creams. They are happily talking and laughing, without any worries, they are lost in the moment. A ute screams around the corner. Travelling at over 100kph, the driver loses control of the vehicle. It mounts the kerb and hits the children. They all die, virtually instantly. The 29- year-old driver is later found to have been under the influence of alcohol and cocaine.
Two families are devastated. One has lost three children. The other has lost a daughter. What do the parents do? They scream and rage, weep and despair. They bury their children. And then? And then?
They forgive!
We’re told that forgiveness is one of the distinctive teachings of Christianity. Jesus preached and practiced it. However, if we’re honest, I suspect many of us will admit that we find it difficult to forgive. We hold on to slights, upsets and offences. It’s a real challenge to let go of them and forgive the person who has offended us.
And yet this is what these parents have done. Their loss is enormous. The actions of the driver most grievous. If anyone has an excuse for not forgiving, it would be them. But this is not the path they have chosen.
Parents, Danny and Leila Abdallah, are devout Maronite Catholics and have credited God with helping them through their grief. On the anniversary of their children’s deaths, Danny spoke about his experience:
"Friends, I am in pain, my days are empty, my heart is aching. Tears of hopelessness visit me each day. I am dying on the inside and it's hard to take much more. I faced a choice. I could take a path of destruction or a path of construction ... I forgive myself and I forgive the offender for the greater good of my family … This has allowed us to live in a state of peace and grace, and I promise you if my children were here today they'd say, 'Forgive him'."
His wife, Leila, reflected further on the choice they faced:
"We chose to turn our tragedy into a greater goodness. We chose to carry our cross with dignity. We chose forgiveness and love over hatred. Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself and to others. For non-believers, forgiveness frees up your emotions. It brings healing to a hurting soul and allows you to have peace in your heart … It starts in your heart, spreads to the family and reaches to the community."
With the support of the Commonwealth and State Governments, the Abdallah and Sakr families have instituted i4Give Day, which will be celebrated annually on the anniversary of their children’s deaths. The families hope the day will encourage people to reflect on their relationships and identify those whom they need to forgive.
There have been other outstanding examples of Forgiveness: Pope John Paul II sitting with his would-be assassin, and the Muslim families of victims of the Christchurch terrorist speaking at his trial and offering forgiveness, are just two that come readily to mind.
These actions, public and profound, are more telling and more effective than a well-crafted and delivered sermon on forgiveness. We need these examples to remind us how important forgiveness is, and how, in essence, it is a decision. It is a decision we need to make over and over. We need to practice it so that it becomes, as Martin Luther King said, “not an occasional act, but a constant attitude, something we live with every day".
Br Peter Carroll FMS
President, Catholic Religious Australia